I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
