remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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