He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
