I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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