I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
