we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
