sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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