there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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