went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bring money and cleavage
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
