It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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