please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
