I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
