we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
