the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
