I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
