You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
