I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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