It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
