it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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