i always forget guys have bellybuttons
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
