Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize