my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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