dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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