Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
