i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
