i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
