I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
