Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
