Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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