the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
