im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
