I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were trust falling into bushes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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