I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
