cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
