I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
