She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
