that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
not ubering you a puppy
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