The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
