Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
