Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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