I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
