Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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