something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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