I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
