I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
