3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
