Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
