Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
