we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
