after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
