saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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