Umm I'm too high to move.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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