R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
