Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
