Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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