Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
