last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
