Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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