we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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