Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
