I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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