pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
