he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
