I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
there was a trapeze. enough said
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
