Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
