Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize