I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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