I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
