And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
