Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
