Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
