The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
