life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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