How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
