Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
