So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
