Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
