My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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