he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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