Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
