So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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