Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
