so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
