I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
