i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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