Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
